Romans 9:16- NIV
It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God's mercy.
As I read this passage, it took me back to a dark moment in my life that God turned into a miracle. It was late winter of 2004, I became extremely sick and was hospitalized for 10 days. My symptoms were out of control and there were no answers. But God! He allowed my doctor’s eyes to open beyond her norm. My doctor was determined to learn the root cause of my infection. While she was meditating and staring at my x-ray, she told me that out of the corner of her eyes she saw something on my x-ray which prompted her to turn my x-ray backwards and upside-down. While I was resting one late afternoon feeling like this could be the end of my earthly journey, a knock came on my door and a young man said, “Ms. Dastine, your doctor called and ordered an emergency x-ray." I replied that I had already done the x-ray. He said, “this time she wants us to take it backwards." I did the x-ray, and they found the infection was hidden behind my lung in a very unusual spot. I started targeted therapy with some strong antibiotics and here I am today. The story did not end there. After I was discharged from the hospital I went for my follow up visit with my doctor, with a smile on her face she said we thought we were going to lose you, but I could not accept that. I knew it was God who allowed her to discover the root cause of the infection because He was not done with me yet.
During that same office visit, the doctor said I have some unfortunate news for you. I know you want children but while you were in the hospital, we discovered due to your health complications, you will have a challenging time conceiving. With your condition you will most likely have multiple miscarriages or may have to go the route of IVF. I felt sad, angry and frustrated when I left her office. She recommended that I meet with a fertility specialist after I get stronger and feel well. I barely slept that night because all I could think of why would God do that to me when I love children? The following week the Spirit led me to bring my plea to God. I had an all-day devotional praying through the Psalms, singing, meditating, and crying to God. This is when the scripture for this week manifested in my life. As I was in tears meditating, listening to worship songs, a man's voice came behind my ear and said, "you are going to have a baby boy name him Jeremiah." I opened my eyes, turned my head, there was nobody behind the recliner where I sat. I knew immediately God heard my cry as he had done many times before and came to deliver me from the emotional pain I was feeling. Just as God said, a few months later before I went to see the infertility specialist, I became pregnant. I believed he was a son because that is what God said. I never had a miscarriage. Today he is 18 years old heading to college. After having my son, I desired to have more children, but have not been able to conceive again. In 2013 my GYN suggested that I see an infertility specialist and looking back to what God had done, I said if God wanted me to have more children, He would have done it again. I chose not to depend on "human desire" and trust God's Devine plan and purpose for my life. Nothing is too big for our God because "power belongs to you, God" (Psalm 62:11). Surrender your pain to Him! The response to the answer that we often seek might be no, but God is faithful in all that he does or allows to take place in our lives.
