Most people in the world identify themselves as ‘Christians,’ others identify themselves as ‘believers.' Those who walked with Jesus during His ministry were identified as disciples. Although the word "Christian" is predominantly used to describe followers of Jesus throughout the world today, it was not commonly used during the early part of the 1st century Church. The word Christian was used later while Barnabas and Paul were teaching the people in Antioch (Acts 11:25-26).  The name was given to them by the people they were teaching and simply means 'Christ followers' or 'Christ-like'. I believe whether you identify yourself as a Christian or disciple of Jesus Christ, the expectation for all of us is the same according to scriptures because you are claiming Jesus as your Rabbi, Master, Lord, and Teacher.  For example, I identify myself as a ‘disciple’ of Jesus Christ. Carrying the identity of a disciple of Jesus reminds me to remain sober in my desire to be a student seeking to understand the intimate parts of His heart. As the Apostle Paul so eloquently reminds us in Philippians 3:10-11, when I made the decision to become Jesus’ disciple, I renounced everything that I was to be molded through the power given in His death to reach fullness in Christ at the last resurrection. “Yes, I gave it all up in order to know him, that is, to know the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings as I am being conformed to his death so that somehow I might arrive at being resurrected from the dead” (The complete Jewish Study Bible- Version).

In my search for a deeper relationship with Jesus as a young 13-year-old girl, I had the opportunity to explore and spend time with different religious groups. I thank God every day for exposing me to them because those experiences led me to grow deeper in my convictions about Jesus. The one conviction I gained during my time in these different faith-based churches is that religion is Satan’s biggest weapon to divide God’s church. We must remember that God’s church is much bigger than any earthly denomination. In my walk with Jesus, I have had several personal encounters with Him that have guided me in my walk with God. During my time at these faith-based churches, I recall their organizational structure was guided by their interpretation of the scriptures. As a result, they often missed the heart of God as they selected parts of the scriptures that matched their doctrine. Despite it all, God used each of them to help me grow in my spiritual journey.

In my initial walk with God, I identified myself as a Christian or believer. I had prayed Jesus into my heart. I had a personal healing encounter with Jesus (story for another devotion). I was baptized (submerged in water) and had the confidence that God had forgiven my sins; I was chosen, and He rescued me. I was deeply religious and many of my friends in school called me “good girl or sweet girl.”  My family called me crazy Annaika. I knew and memorized many scriptures and became a prayer warrior. I went to church on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays.  I often invited my friends to church and talked to people about Jesus. Wow! I felt rather good; that was a great resume to have as a teenager.  Well! That is far from the truth.  At some point in my journey, God’s Spirit allowed me to feel like I was missing something.  My spirit started to feel troubled.  I started asking myself, what is my purpose as a soldier in God’s army on this earth?  I started questioning why I had all this scripture-based knowledge yet felt empty?  I started saying, 'There has got to be more than being a grateful saved sinner'.  I began praying for God to show me the next step in my life.  Now that I look back, I can clearly see I was a hearer of the Word and partially a doer of the Word.  In addition, I lacked the complete surrender to the Holy Spirit Lordship that would transform me into the ambassador that Jesus called me out of the darkness to become (2Corinthians 5: 11-21, James 1:22-25).  I am incredibly grateful for the Redeeming Love Christian Church in Nanuet, NY that God used to teach me the fundamentals of my faith that led me to my deep convictions about Jesus, the power of prayer and the power of the manifestation of the Holy Spirit in my life.

Having the knowledge of the Bible gave me a form of godliness, but not knowing how to utilize that godliness in every area of my life denied me the transforming power of the Word of God (Ephesians 4: 20-24, 2Timothy 3:5).  I was being a ‘good Christian girl’ and a ‘good person’ in the eyes of the world. Like many of us, I was extremely comfortable with Jesus being my Savior because He rescued me, yet His Lordship over my life was lacking.  I honestly believe it is in our nature to embrace the need for a Savior because there is so much, we need to be rescued from. That is why John 3:16 is immensely popular and acceptable to the Christian world.  However, the Lordship of Jesus is seen as optional because we love our “right” to do what we want, or feel is right to do.  So, we say Jesus is Lord, yet we let the world form the standard that we live by. Furthermore, those of us who read or know the scriptures often use them to make our points instead of allowing the Truth of God through the Holy Spirit to lead us.  If you wonder what example I must clarify my statement above, look around you at what has been happening the past two years (2020-2022).  The comments and actions that I see those who call themselves Christian/Disciples of Jesus Christ making - which I believe are contrary to what the Word of God teaches - trouble my inner soul.  My comfort in all this is that Jesus will judge each of us for every careless word or deed we have spewed (Mathew 12:33-37).

In Acts 2:36, when Peter addressed the crowd, he exclaimed: “Therefore, let the whole house of Isra’el know beyond doubt that God has made him both Lord and Messiah------this Yeshua, whom you executed on a stake!” (The Complete Jewish Study Bible- Version). What does it mean for someone to be Lord? The word Lord in Hebrew-Greek is kurios (pronunciation- Koo -ree-os) derived from another Hebrew-Greek word kuros which stands for supremacy, supreme in authority; as a noun: controller, might, power master owner, etc. (Hebrew- Greek-Key Word Study Bible- Definition).  As you are submerged under the water symbolizing dying to your old self/sinful nature (Romans 6:1-7), you are declaring that Jesus is your Master, and you are His servant.  As you read the word servant, your mind might automatically translate the word servant to ‘slave’.  The reality is my friend, whether you admit it or not, each of us are slave to something or someone in our lives. Nonetheless, like Paul reminds us in Romans 6:16-18, we each have a choice. We must decide, are we a slave to sin which will lead us to death or to the obedience of God which will lead us to righteousness? When you and I said Jesus is Lord during our baptism, our allegiance at that moment was given to Jesus Christ. Our allegiance is not to our upbringing values, our family, our opinions, our political party affiliation, our country/flag, our job/career, worldly pleasure of this world, you fill the blank.

God's Holy Spirit that is living in me, willed me to cry out to Jehovah for more purpose due to my gratitude for what Jesus did for me. The Holy Spirit opened my mind and heart to see how just knowing the scriptures and quoting them was fulfilling in some way, but empty. I was being robbed of the freedom that having Jesus as Lord in every area of my life was able to give me (Galatians 5:1). I carried unforgiveness, fits of rage, slander, lying, ungratefulness, conceitedness, love of self, boasting, hatred and disobedience for a period during my Christian walk. You might say, "Well, you were not a Christian!"  Before you are quick to condemn me, you must reflect on your own life at this moment; can you say you are free from sins? Even the most devout ‘Christian/ Disciple' amongst us is burdened with sins (John 8:7, Romans 3:23-24). We are all working progress in our journey with Jesus until we receive our heavenly body.  We must work out our salvation daily as we allow the Holy Spirit to convict us toward Holiness (Philippians 2: 12-13, 2Corinthians10:1-10, Revelation 21:1-4). What I have learned in my journey with Jesus is that most Christians/ Disciples are still in bondage because we think that knowing the scriptures, teaching, and preaching them are the main source of our deliverance. Jesus in his ministry asked us to bring our burden to Him (Matthew 11:28). Despite knowing what his Word says, we continue to carry the shame, guilt, and powerless spirit that Satan has imported in our lives to destroy our soul (2 Corinthians 4:4, 2 Corinthians 2:10-11, 1Peter 5: 8, Luke 22:31). I often hear people saying, "I know what the scripture says, I desire to do it, but I find myself having a hard time following through with what the scripture says" Does that statement remind you of someone in the Bible (Romans 7:15)? The Hebrews writer went further making the argument, if we claim to know Christ Jesus and we continue to sin there is no sacrifice left (Hebrews 10:26). The writer in 1 John 3:6 went even further to tell us we do not know Christ if we continue sinning after we claim to remain in Him. Believe me, I hated my sins and cried often for God to take them away as a young Christian. In my cries to the Lord, He opened my eyes to see clearly why I am free yet living in bondage. I simply thought that I could set myself free by being a doer of the Word of God and knowing the scriptures, which are all important according to Jesus (John 12:47, Luke 10:16, Luke 6:49). My complete healing came when I decided to let The Holy Spirit of God who lives in me become Lord of my life through Jesus Christ who is my Master. The key to my deliverance was when I decided to surrender and learned that I cannot save myself. Although I said Jesus is Lord and my Savior, I was still holding on to so much garbage that I allowed the Adversary (Satan) to torment my spirit and interfere with my effort to serve God. Therefore, I never entered Jesus' complete rest (Hebrews 4:9-10). This revelation led me to forgiving myself and many people in my life and my attitude toward repentance when I hear the Word of God is different. “Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires” (Romans 6:12-NLT). As someone who has experienced God’s grace and mercy in so many different areas in life, I believe we struggle to allow the Word of God to transform us because we try to fix things ourselves.  The task of trying to free yourself from sin is exhausting and burdensome, that is why only Jesus can fix it. Jesus is our high Priest who came to destroy Satan’s plan by taking our iniquities upon himself because in our human flesh we just cannot do it (Hebrews 4: 14-16; Isaiah 53:6).  God has tried to use human beings for many centuries and each time we fail measurably. Spend some time reading the Old Testament to learn about God’s multiple efforts to use humankind as His voice to turn us from our wicked ways.  Many times, I hear preachers preaching about repentance of sins, but they have fallen short in teaching people they can only have victory over sin by allowing the Holy Spirit to carve out whatever the cancer (sins) in their lives might be. If we could do it on our own, Jesus would have left us with just the Word (Bible); instead, he sent us the counselor to make His Word alive in us by guiding us to all Truth (John 16:13).  In my distress, the Spirit of God reminded me of my first encounter with God and led me to cry to the Lord for answers; He heard my cry and led me to the next level of my spiritual journey.  In Matthew 7: 7-8 Jesus says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” If you read my First Encounter with Jesus, you know He did not just hear me, but He came and gave me a new purpose.

At the age of sixteen, during the period of my cry to seek God deeper, I was invited to a Valentine's dance party that was being hosted by Hudson Valley Church of Christ. My initial religious reaction was to judge. I wondered what kind of Christians these people are, who are dancing. I did attend the party and to my surprise, the party blew my mind as I witnessed a group of people gathering having fun with respect and no inappropriate behavior. The women from the party invited me to worship with them and I attended their worship service two weeks later. A member from their congregation who lived near my house picked me up and took me to the service.  Following the worship service, they invited me to a Café for lunch and this is where I clearly saw what I was missing in my walk with Jesus.  I recalled one sister confessed to two other sisters some deep short coming sins that she engaged in during the week (James 5:16).  After witnessing the women using the Holy Scriptures to remind their sister of God’s love, grace and expectation as a disciple of Jesus Christ, I thought to myself "These women applied what they are reading to change their lives!"  I knew at that moment why the Spirit allowed me to feel the void in my inner soul.  When the sisters from lunch asked me, "Would you like to study the Bible?" In my pride I said, "I know the Bible just tells me how to apply it."  In their humility, they explained they would rather I learn it from Jesus. How could I argue learning from Jesus?  Their approach reminded me of how Paul addressed the religious people from Athens (Acts 17:22-30) because the sisters met me where I was spiritually. The decision to become Jesus’ student (Disciple) by allowing the Bible to be living and active in my life, along with the foundation that God laid for me, has been the fuel that the Holy Spirit needed to purify me inside and out. I was very comfortable using the Word of God to help others but did not often apply it to my own life.  I knew becoming a doer of the Word of God in my personal life was evident because my family and friends were critical of the changes in my life.  Satan used many of them to become obstacles in my journey.  I must also confess that as I allowed the Word of God to transform my inner soul, my family and friends were not the only obstacle in my path.  I also became my own enemy, fighting God for many years to forgive those who had caused me physical and emotional pain. Glory be to God, if you read my devotional titled the Battle for our Soul, you know that the Adversary (Satan) tried to win but God prevailed.

My question for you today, as you assess your walk with Jesus, is Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” is evident in your personal life?  For those of you who have been in the army of God, you may say being a doer of the Word does not necessarily mean you are walking in step with the Spirit of God; I agree with you more than you know. Being a Christian, a Disciple of Jesus Christ is a way of life not a matter of doing.  Our motive to why we follow Jesus matters.  Our decision to follow Jesus is personal. Jesus will never force you to love Him.  If that were His intention, I believe as the voice of God He could have stopped Adam & Eve from choosing darkness. I became a doer because Jesus first loved me, and I responded to His love with the desire to be like Him in my gratitude for rescuing me.  I have chosen to become a slave in God’s eternal kingdom. If you are obeying and/or becoming a doer of the Word of God because of guilt, fear, for people, for show, or just because…., you will be burdened, you will feel empty at some point, you will feel fake and might even walk away from His love and grace. Our survival as a Christian/disciple depends on the foundation that we build in our journey with Jesus (Mathew 13:1-23). I have also learned, basing your Christianity on others’ faith is a dangerous path because people will disappoint you, but Jesus never will (Romans 5:5-21). In His explanation of expectation for those who choose Him as their Rabbi, Jesus utilizes the statement “whoever wants to be” to reinforce, we each have a choice and if we choose Him, we no longer live for this world but for His purpose (Mathew 16:24-27).