Battle for our soul began the day that God created humankind!

Eve: The First Daughter of the Living God

Genesis 2:4- 3:1-24

How many of you at various times in your life have felt the feeling of Shame and Fear?

Shame, according to Webster dictionary is defined as: A painful emotion caused by consciousness (unconscious) of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety.

Fear, according to Oxford dictionary is defined as: An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat.

Have any of you ever struggled with feelings of guilt, regret, remorse, self-reproach, humiliation, disgrace, dishonor, failure, unworthiness, worthlessness, confusion, emptiness, hopelessness, etc.? You can fill the blank. Feelings are part of who we are, and they are necessary to our survival. However, our feelings are usually triggered by positive or negative experiences which dictate our behavior. The manifestation of our behavior from our feelings depends on the perception of the event that happens in our lives which triggers our reaction. The way we interpret the events of our lives dictate how they impact our emotional and physical wellbeing.

What if I tell you these feelings are oftentimes connected to “Shame” with the goal to destroy you physically, psychologically, and spiritually! What if I tell you there is a person who can free you from the shameful feelings that Satan enslaves you with! These Shameful feelings, whether caused by our self-inflicted decisions or have been inflicted on us by others, often lead to depression, anxiety, isolation, self-devaluation, hopelessness, hatred, confusion, and sadly too often the end of some lives by suicide. Many times, we choose to self-medicate with destructive behaviors such as drugs, alcohol, overachieving, underachieving, material things, revenge, unhealthy romantic relationships, etc., all hoping to weaken the pain that is so unbearable. Shameful feelings have been engrained so well in our lives that we do not even see them, especially if we strive to compensate for them with “success” or “life accomplishments.”  If you ever feel the deep, empty void in your inner soul despite all your accomplishments in life, it is usually a clear indication that Satan has planted shame in your life. Or, if you feel like you are never good enough, Satan has planted shame in your life. I am here to share with you how Jesus helped set me free from Satan’s trap (Luke 4:18-19). I could share with you many examples of how Jesus has rescued me but for this devotional I will draw from one of the many traumatic events that took place in my life that He freed me from.

I remember the morning when I woke up from a nightmare that was hidden in the unconscious part of my brain for many years; this all started when I was 19 years old. At the time, a midwife I was seeing for my routine yearly exam had observed my reaction when she attempted to complete my exam. After learning that I had always selected to complete a sonogram every year because I didn’t want anyone touching me, she listened and empathized with me and with a soft gentle voice said, from my experience when a person has such a strong reaction to a GYN exam it is because they have been a victim of sexual abuse.  She followed her statement with a direct question, “have you been victim of sexual abuse? Has anyone ever touched you without your permission?”  I looked at her with a perplexed look and I decisively said no. I left that office troubled that morning. I kept thinking, why do I react in such a way as she mentioned during the exam? I remember deciding to fast and pray asking God to reveal if there is a reason I am guarded and resent being touched by anyone. You know the saying, be careful of what you pray for! After a week of prayer, one Sunday during a nighttime of meditation I started having memories that I had suppressed when I was 7 years old flooding my mind. I felt weak, dirty, angry, shameful and guilty. I started blaming myself for what the person who was older than me convinced me was normal. I recall being told by the person I was her special friend as she violated me repeatedly. The person also had me engage in shameful acts. I remember weeping as I called a close friend who came over the next morning before her job interview to pray and cry with me.  I started blaming myself, asking why did I not say anything to anyone? Reflecting on that period as a Mental Health worker, I was always sickly, and did not get any positive attention besides being a sick child who was helpless. Looking back, being told by someone that I was special and that nobody should ever learn about our secret felt special at an early age. Facing those memories at the age of 19 resulted in bitterness toward my parents and family members and Jesus who I felt should have protected me. In my walk with Jesus, I began to wonder why God wants me back because I felt broken. I started questioning, why did God allow this to happen? I started questioning my sexuality as well because my abuser was a female.

Facing what seemed like a monster in my life at the time was a true test of my faith in Jesus. I started asking several questions that we sometimes ask when our world seems to be turning upside down. I was in a Spiritual battle where Satan was waging war for my soul which led me to question God’s love and sovereignty. I ponder on this question quite often, how could a loving God allow this horrible thing to happen to me? Psalm 139, which is now one of my favorite chapters, was not always so. In my anger toward God, I was no longer able to believe verse 14 of that Psalm “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” During my inner battle with God, I felt like God wrongfully made me. Looking back, I thank God that despite all the bitterness toward Him, He did not give up on me. Instead, He allowed the Spirit of Truth, Counselor, Advocate, Intercessor (John 14:25-26, 15:26 & 16:7) to open my eyes through the healing process to know Him deeper. Before I was able to heal spiritually, I had to heal in the physical form. My next statement has nothing to do with the fact that I am a mental health professional but has everything to do with the fact that I am a testament that sitting with another person who is subjective and being able to talk and process my thoughts and feelings works. There is power in validation and sorting through the hurt that has been inflicted on you or caused by your own mistakes. Yes, I went for therapy to work through many hurtful and painful things that have been part of my journey. It felt good letting the hurt, anger and hopeless feelings out. However, I also learned therapy works for a while and without a long term plan my healing process would be short lived. Seeking counseling allowed me the clarity of mind to receive and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit that was given to me on the day of baptism. The best analogy I can share to describe how seeking therapy helped me is that it allowed me to reject the flesh and my sinful nature desires (Galatians 5:16-21) so that I can be in fellowship with the Holy Spirit of the Almighty God (2 Corinthians 13:14).

Now, let us journey with me back to the first family who were the first to experience the feeling of shame, fear, guilt, and the art of shifting blame. As we all know, the Garden Story in Genesis chapters 2-3 started where Adam and Eve were in one accord with God. In the same way when you and I enter this world, we are innocent because we do not know right from wrong. I believe if you or I were to die as a baby we would all go to heaven. According to scriptures, for sins to be fully evident in our lives we must “repent & be baptized” (Acts 2:37-38). On that note, one can ask about a baby, what sins would a newborn have knowledge of committing that he or she would need to repent of and need the blood of Jesus to cleanse? I will let you ponder on that thought. One might argue the original sin theory. However, that would make God a liar and he is not (John 9:2-5, Ezekiel 18:19-32). Let us continue my spiritual transformation as God revealed things to me during my spiritual healing.

In Genesis 2:25 the scripture states, “they felt no shame.”  Everything was going well in the Garden for Adam & Eve until they allowed the Devil to use them as a vessel to destroy God’s wonderful creation which is humankind. For many years, I read Genesis 3:1 and always thought the serpent was Satan until the spirit allowed me to read it through a different lens. The scripture says, “The Serpent was craftier than any of the wild animals the Lord had made.”  Reading this scripture helped me to connect so many spiritual dots that God has allowed me to experience. Growing up as a child, I had witnessed manifestation of the evil spirit taking over people’s bodies to engage in different celebrations. Furthermore, as I study the Spiritual realm, I have learned that whether it is God’s Spirit or the Adversary spirit, they need a vessel to dwell in. The serpent was already “crafty.”  Another word for crafty is sneaky; the serpent was a perfect vessel for Satan to use as a tool to inflict shame through the disobedience of God in the lives of Adam and Eve who started their spiritual journey as “shame-less.”  In Genesis 3:8-13, we see how both Adam and Eve experienced shame and fear. After many years of God working through me, it has become evident that the people who hurt me (us) are in that craftiness bondage where Satan is ruling their mind, body and soul to do his horrible deeds. Oftentimes, like Adam and Eve, my choosing to disobey God’s words or to have no desire to change and learn His ways, leads me toward becoming readily available for Satan to dwell in. The devil is manifesting around us every day. There are many people who say Jesus is Lord, yet they continue to live in bondage because they have not “overcome the world” or laid their burdens down (1 John 5:4-5, Mathew 11:28-30). When we live in bondage, our focus is on the flesh and the tangible things that are seen; as a result, we are blinded from recognizing the real enemy, Satan (1Peter 5:8-9). Consequently, we stay stuck in the flesh and never experience the true freedom that Jesus promised (Galatians 4:8-9, Galatians 5:1, John 8:36). When we are trapped in the flesh, we are more susceptible to hurting ourselves, other people and carry the burden of hatred, bitterness, selfishness, unforgiveness, anger, etc. Furthermore, we become blind to the words of God as truth because Jesus is either no longer enough or we have no desire to know Him.

In Galatians 5:1, the apostle Paul reminded us that Jesus died to set us free. Therefore, we should no longer be “burdened again by a yoke a slavery.” I have been exposed to many painful experiences in my life; in my search for healing, I was faced with the decision to either allow my pain to become the master of my life by staying in bondage or allowing Jesus to become my master and be set free. My unwillingness to trust was a deficit in my life journey which made it difficult for me to completely surrender to Jesus. I am so grateful that God has led me to choose Jesus and took Him at his word like the desperate father whose son was dying and took Jesus at His words (John 4:50). The story says the son was healed at the exact time that Jesus said, “Your son will live.”  I decided that I will no longer allow Satan’s plan for my life to supersede God’s original plan which is for me to be set free (John 8:36). Satan may have tried to use his craftiness to make me believe that God inflicted me with all the awful experiences in my life and I am not “fearfully & wonderfully made,” I am choosing to believe he sacrificed His son in place of me because he loves me (John 3:16, 1 John 4:7-21, Isaiah 53:5-6).

 I have accepted and embraced the fact that the people who have hurt me and will hurt me are not my enemies. God has made this revelation evident in my life through his grace as he opened my eyes to see the spiritual battle (Ephesians 6:12). In Revelation 12:12, when Satan was thrown down to earth and lost his privilege to have access to heaven, the scripture says “Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury because he knows that his time is short.”  During my healing journey, the Holy Spirit compelled me to focus on the real enemy who is Satan and as he has waged war against our souls since the beginning of time. God revealing this message to me has allowed me to experience the peace and freedom that ignites in one’s soul when you are set free from the burden of pain and hurt through forgiveness of self, others and loving the unlovable (Luke 6:32-36). I must note forgiveness does not mean disregarding or ignoring the fact that we were abused or hurt, and it does not mean there should not be any consequences for the abuser according to the law of the land (Genesis 3: 14-15 & Galatians 6:7-10). I strive to remember when Jesus says in Matthew 6:15, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins;” there is no conditional option in this scripture, it is a direct warning.  I often go back to another favorite passage of mine, Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  Whatever your chains or your shackles might be and as it may seem impossible, Jesus is ready to set you free like he has done for me or like he did for the man in Mark 5:8-13 or the woman who was subject to bleeding for many years in Matthew 9:20-25 or the lost son who returned home in Luke 15:11-31.  My traumatic experiences did not go away and continue to be part of my journey as I yoke with Jesus. The difference in facing my thoughts and feelings with Jesus is that I am choosing daily to allow the Holy Spirit to be the Queen of my chess game (life) by not allowing Satan’s destructive plan to dictate the outcome of my soul’s destination (Galatians 5:19-21, 2 Timothy 2:12 Mathew 6:14-15). My prayer for God’s daughters is to decide to no longer allow Satan to paralyze us by becoming slaves to the trauma and tragedy that he has burdened our lives with. We cannot allow ourselves to be deceived by the power of delusion or believe the lies (2 Thessalonians 2:11-12; Luke 8:44) that our traumatic experiences define who we are as God’s daughters! Jesus is ready to take our burdens and give us rest if we are willing to take him at his word (Mathew 11:28-30, Hebrews 4:10-11).

Daughters of God, let us not allow Satan’s destructive plan to dictate the beginning and ending of our journey! Jesus took our “Shame” on the cross so that we might choose him. When tempted to believe Satan’s lies, I remind myself that as long as I still breathe in this earthly tent, I am subject to the affliction of Satan (2 Corinthian 5:1-10). Those afflictions usually come in different forms, such as people, sickness, self-afflictions, confusion, division, etc. We must recognize who the real enemy is in this world, and he will not stop until Jesus comes back. Praise be to God through Jesus Christ; he has made the healing power available to anyone who accepts his spiritual gift in preparation for our new heavenly tent (body) by taking our sins on the cross. 1 Peter 2:24 “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”  We are in a daily battle for our soul. Let us not become complacent and take our focus from our true enemy who has been working like a roaring lion since the Garden of Eden to separate us from the truth of God. "Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication"(Ephesians 6:12-18, ESV).