2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Imagine waking up most days feeling like needles are pricking you all over your body, while your bones feel like wires or three string cords that are being twisted to make a rope! Imagine waking up most days relying on God to be your strength by praying you can make it through the day! Imagine being awake but not able to get up from the bed because your body is fighting against your will to get going! Imagine after fighting through the physical pain all day where your brain feels exhausted, where you cannot recall simple things or the names of your friends and family even though you are looking at them! Imagine feeling like bugs are running under your skin like an electricity wave! Imagine having a full-blown flare of the symptoms mentioned above where your body is retaliating for pushing through as your toes, legs, hands, back, eyes and your muscles/bones start twitching and folding. Your loved ones can visibly see your body being in crisis while you are screaming and crying and there is nothing they can do to help! Imagine driving home from work or other places praying to God that your legs don’t start twitching/folding because you know your survival and others on the road depends on it! Imagine your body feels beat up when talking, breathing, reading, walking, becomes exceedingly difficult! Imagine your vision gets blurry where you feel like your sight is diminishing slowly while experiencing extreme fatigue!

As you are reading and imagining the description above, you may think this person must be depressed, with a limited social life, on a lot of medication or must be bitter.  Well, that is far from the truth because I am that person. Yes, there are good days in the midst of this horror where I feel ready to conquer the world but at any second - without any warning - the pain starts again.

For many years, several medical tests have been completed to detect different diseases and praise God all tests have been negative. The symptoms mimic several different types of debilitating illnesses that I am grateful to be free from. Consequently, Fibromyalgia was the final diagnosis given to me by doctors since there is no other known medical reason that they could find. In my search for answers, three years ago I was given the diagnosis of Benign fasciculation syndrome which matches some of my symptoms but does not provide me any concrete answers. Since there is no cure for my symptoms, I have been prescribed pain medications that over the years I have elected not to take. They make me feel mentally disconnected and for me that is worse than the physical pain.  Nonetheless, pain medication does work for others and people should take them if needed to relieve your pain. I believe knowledge in the medical world is given by God to help us while we are living in this decay body.

In my journey with Chronic pain, I can connect to some extent to the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. Although I have not experienced anywhere near what he went through for the sake of his faith in Christ. However, I have pleaded with God to take this chronic pain away and I am choosing to believe that for my benefit he says no. Knowing myself, I can understand why God would say no. I am a doer and a self-motivated individual by nature. Therefore, after God rescued me from all my illnesses, if He had left me with nothing to remind me where I come from, I know that I would easily become my own god and leave the throne of Christ. You may wonder why I think this way. My answer to you is this: God has freed me from constant torment from Satan where I was experiencing worse sickness than the physical pain I currently struggle with. Therefore, just as Jesus rescued me from that sickness that no doctors could explain to me growing up, I know He can remove my physical pain if that decision would be beneficial to my salvation. There is a prayer I often pray to God “Lord gives me enough to take care of my family, to help those who are in need and help your Kingdom to advance. Do not give me more or less. Lord Jesus, do not take away anything in my life or give me anything that will hinder my walk with you.”  I started praying this prayer after I studied why King David prayed to God not to take his spirit from him (Psalm 51:11-12) after the prophet Nathan had confronted him about his sins. David remembered what became of King Saul when God left him and allowed an evil Spirit to torment him (1 Samuel 16:14-23, 18:10, 19:9).

Praising God through Chronic pain is not easy. It is a daily decision choosing to listen to God’s promises instead of the adversaries’ voice telling me I am defeated. In fact, unless I tell people about my pain or my daily struggle, they often don’t know.  On the contrary, when I tell people I am in pain, they often say you don’t look like you are in pain. I remember one of my co-workers suggested that I see her rheumatologist to explore recommendations to help with my pain. This particular visit was ordained by God; although she did not find a cure or a medicine that would help my pain, she spoke life to me as if it were God speaking. I remember after she reviewed the records and listened to what my concerns and struggles were as I fought with physical pain, she described my body “as a beautiful house where everything on the outside seems okay, well-kept, and possibly without any visible blemish. However, inside there is a fire that cannot be seen and the only way to calm it down is to make changes from the outside that impacts the internal fire.” She further stated, acknowledging, and accepting you have limitations and learning to say no, to stop and rest is the most effective medicine for your chronic pain. She ended her statement by responding to my explanation that people see me as a healthy young woman and sometimes don’t believe that I am not well. She said “Those people are not your friends. Find new friends who will listen to you instead of judging you based on what they see.”  That doctor’s visit changed my perspective about how to fight this chronic pain. I remember crying all the way home from the appointment because the doctor spoke to my soul, and I knew she was right.

​Apostle Paul and Jesus are both prime examples of what it means to “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1Thessalonians 5:16-18). The scriptures do not say rejoice only when things are going well or when it appears that God has given you victories. My vow in my Christian walk is to do God’s will and Paul challenged me that it is God’s will that I rejoice even when I am hurting. Yes, many times I pray and ask God to please take my soul from this decaying body when I feel like I cannot go another hour, minute, second and day with the pain. Jesus reminds me in this world I will have trials/tribulations but to take heart because Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33-34) which gives me hope that I will also overcome (1 John 5:4-5). When Satan tries to spew lies in my mind about God’s love and sovereignty, I often study the book of Job to remind me who my enemy is. When Satan attempted to use Job’s wife to turn his mind and heart from God’s sovereignty, I love Job’s response to the wife: His wife said to him, “Are you still trying to maintain your integrity? Curse God and die.” But Job replied, “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?” So in all this, Job said nothing wrong” (Job 2:9-10).

  People often ask how do you maintain your joyful attitude when you experience some level of pain daily? My answer is, God! Choosing to believe God’s promises to be true. “God will take away all their tears. There will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All the old things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4-NLT). When I read this scripture or listen to it being read by others, my soul leaps for joy knowing there is an end to the horror that I face in this world which is not my final home. As I mentioned earlier, there are days where my faith trusting God’s promises and protection is under attack by Satan. During those moments, I often wanted to be alone and began to experience symptoms of depression such as lack of interest, crying, wishing God would take me home, mood swings and often short tempered. Therefore, I am not saying living with chronic pain as a Christian is easy but one thing I do know, if it were not for Jesus and His Spirit living in me, I would not make it. In the seasons of my physical struggle, I must make a conscious decision to pray and hold on to God’s Word. As a result, I seldom experience spiritual melt downs. I remember a doctor one time suggested that I join an online support group to help me cope with my symptoms by listening/reading other people’s experiences. After an hour reading some of the stories and comments from others who suffer with chronic pain/diseases similar to my struggle, I became so depressed. At the time, many of them were young like me, in their twenties, successful in their careers and/or in college when their pain started. They all shared how chronic pain robbed them of their dreams, self-worth, and identity.  Most of them were addicted to painkillers, unable to work and were diagnosed with severe depression. I recalled one story about a young successful lawyer who experienced her first muscle cramp while working in her office and she could not move. Her story ended with a statement highlighting that was the day her dreams and life changed for the worst. I recalled saying to myself, these people’s stories will not be me. That was the last time I ever joined or read that support group blog. Instead, I decided to go back to God, my healer, my high priest, and plead my case before Him who is able to heal me or show me how to live with chronic pain. In Hebrews 4:5 we learn that our Lord Jesus Christ can sympathize with our weaknesses. I have accepted that there are times God will not take our pain or life stressors away, but he promises at the proper time He will restore us:

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.” (1 Peter 5:10-NLT)

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade.  This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

(1Peter 1:3-10-NLT)

Learning to live with chronic pain and believing that God is able to heal me has never been a doubt in mind because he had done it in my life before. My dilemma has always been knowing that God is able but not knowing if He is willing. I recall God leading me to read a profound scripture that changed my prayer when I went before him regarding chronic pain.

Isaiah 45:9, “What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’ How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father, ‘Why was I born?’ or if it said to its mother, ‘Why did you make me this way?” (NLT).

God has rescued me from so many physical trials in my life. For example, I struggled with fainting spells as a child where I would become unconscious. He delivered me from that when doctors were not able to find any medical root for my spells. I recalled having episodes where I felt like I was fainting, my eyes twitching, unable to speak but I was able to hear everything that people were saying. I saw a neurologist, he ran several tests to determine if what I was experiencing were seizures, the scan came back that my brain waves were normal/optimal. They tried medication but my body had a major swelling reaction to the treatment. Again, God rescued me from this sickness. There are many more spiritual curses that God has rescued me from. If you read my encounter with Jesus, you know my sicknesses were part of a spiritual warfare where Satan was trying to capture my soul from God’s eternal plan for my life. Glory be to God! God prevailed just as He has always done from the beginning. I share some of my victories to help you understand why I do not dare to question God’s sovereignty, mercy, grace, and power to deliver me from the physical pain that I experience.

Chronic pain started to manifest in my life after God set me free from the evil spirits that were tormenting me for many years. Choosing to trust God during trials in our lives takes courage. In addition, accepting and believing God knows best and His thoughts and decisions are for our benefit. “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine” (Isaiah 55:8, NLT). I believe deep in my soul if God knew removing this thorn from my flesh was beneficial, He would have done so just as He did in the past. The Bible says that everything happening in my life was written before I was born (Psalm 139), therefore I am choosing to trust that He cares for me. Do you believe that Jesus loves you and is working everything out for you because he loves you? (Romans 8:28). Apostle Paul reminded the disciples in Philippians 4:19, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”  During his ministry, Jesus reminded us about the goodness of our God as he taught his disciples not to worry (Mathew 6:25-27). Are you living a defeated life or is your life an example of faith despite your trials? My goal is when people look at me, I want Jesus’ name to be glorified. What would your non-Christian friends and family say about you as a Christian when facing pain or trials of many kinds? Most importantly how would your fellow Christians describe you as you face trials of many kind?

2 Corinthians 5:1-10 will continue to be the foundational hope and truth in my fight with chronic pain as a daughter of the Living God until He heals me, calls me home, or comes to get me. Either one of these outcomes that I mentioned is a win for me. Apostle Paul reminded me and everyone who says Jesus is Lord, “Our body is like a house we live in here on earth. When it is destroyed, we know that God has another body for us in Heaven. The new one will not be made by human hands as a house is made. This body will last forever. Right now we cry inside ourselves because we wish we could have our new body which we will have in Heaven. We will not be without a body. We will live in a new body. While we are in this body, we cry inside ourselves because things are hard for us. It is not that we want to die. Instead, we want to live in our new bodies. We want this dying body to be changed into a living body that lasts forever. It is God Who has made us ready for this change. He has given us His Spirit to show us what He has for us. We are sure of this. We know that while we are at home in this body we are not with the Lord. Our life is lived by faith. We do not live by what we see in front of us. We are sure we will be glad to be free of these bodies. It will be good to be at home with the Lord. So if we stay here on earth or go home to Him, we always want to please Him.  For all of us must stand before Christ when He says who is guilty or not guilty. Each one will receive pay for what he has done. He will be paid for the good or the bad done while he lived in this body” (NLT).

Meditating through this passage has given me significant confidence and joy in knowing that although I hurt physically while my Spirit and soul lives in this body on this earth, I am promised by Jesus who was God in the flesh, that as long as I remain faithful until the end my pain will be no more (Revelation 21:4). The reality is everyone’s experience with pain will never be the same; therefore, everyone’s coping mechanism will manifest differently. Prayerfully, as Christian/Disciple of Jesus Christ, our coping mechanism during a painful trial, whether physical or emotional, should be rooted in the promises of God’s words and actions through Jesus who can sympathize with all our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15-16; Hebrews 5:7). My daily personal goal as I strive to remain faithful through my physical pain is to enter God’s rest that he promised until God mercifully grants me a new body.

“For anyone who enters God’s rest has also rested from his own work, as God did from his.  Therefore, let us do our best to enter that rest; so that no one will fall short because of the same kind of disobedience” (Hebrews 4:10-11, The complete Jewish Bible).

Let’s enter God’s rest with confidence knowing this is all temporary as we use our gifts, victories, and trials to share his Word, patiently waiting for our day of deliverance from this decaying body.